Dear Diary – Don’t worry kids, I won’t tell you off

“Don’t do that! Or see that lady? She will tell you off”

It’s a threat that is thrown around a lot by Mums who come into my work with their kids. So I would just like to assure all the little kids out there…I am not going to yell at you or tell you off, that is your Mummy’s job and I sure as hell am not your mother because if I was your mother you A: wouldn’t be acting like that or B: I’d be taking responsibility for your actions, because you know, I’m your mother, and that poor waitress you have never seen before isn’t.

Diary, I love kids, I have no problem with kids being in my restaurants. Most kids are more polite than adults! I do however have a problem with parents who don’t keep an eye on their children and who let them run around getting in the way of waitstaff who are carrying plates of HOT food. Let them draw all over tables and chairs. Let them get food everywhere and then don’t even bother to clean it up even a little bit. Leave their kids wet wipes all over the table so when we clear we have to touch them. Parents who stay out so late that their poor kids are falling asleep on our couches just desperately needing to go home but Mummy and Daddy are too busy getting their drink on. Parents who bring in their strollers/prams and park them in between two tables effectively making it impossible for anyone to sit at the other table. It.Drives.Me.Insane. We are not babysitters, this is not a daycare facility and it is also not a playground. Bring your kids in that’s fine, but look after them yourself. It’s called parenting.

Love Carrie

Dear Diary: It’s just out of my hands

Oh Diary, summer is here and usually that means, gorgeous weather, BBQ’s, seafood, going to the beach, unfortunately it also means more customers bitching about things that are completely out of my control. People who choose to sit outside are the worst. Sometimes I wish I could write an open letter, or maybe put up a big poster on the wall with a list of things I can’t control. Here is what it would say…

Attention Customers – The following complaints I have no control over, please stop whinging.

1. It’s too hot – Yes, welcome to summer in Australia. It is hot. Most of you people seem to live here so I don’t really understand why you are so surprised. I can’t control the weather so maybe you should direct your complaints to God instead of me. Or you could just get over it.

2. Ewww there are so many flies! – Yes yes this is another perk of living in Australia, for a few weeks in Summer there is an annoying amount of flies. Once again though if you are sitting outside there is NOTHING I can do about the flies. Unless of course you expect me to cover the entire building in giant mosquito net…which lets be honest it wouldn’t surprise me if you did want me to do that. I suggest you BYO aero guard or, sit inside, or learn to live with it.

3. It’s too sunny out here – This complaint boggles my mind. You want to sit outside. The sun is outside. Therefore outside is sunny. If you don’t want to sit in the sun then DON’T SIT OUTSIDE. It is very easy, because once again I cannot control the weather nor can I move the position of the sun so you are sitting in the shade. Sit in the sun and deal with the resulting sunniness or don’t sit out in the sun. Very.Simple.Concept.

4. Seagulls -  I know there are seagulls out there, we are on the beach. If you and your friends stopped feeding them then perhaps they will GO AWAY. Idiots.

5. There aren’t any tables left outside -  this is less of a complaint and more stating the obvious. I guess you hope that by telling me this I will either move more tables outside or ask someone to leave. Neither will happen. I can’t put more tables out as it’s against our licence and I am not asking someone to leave because that is rude, and they were there before you so maybe next time if you oh so desperately want to sit outside you could try coming in earlier or book a table.

6. The chairs are too hot – yes well they have been out in the sun and they are black and thats kinda what happens… you want me to tip some old water on it or something? The you can have a wet, hot arse!

If you have any questions or comments please direct them to someone who cares.

Kind regards staff

Ahh summer, I love you but I do not love the stupid people who creep out of the woodworks.

Love Carrie

Dear Diary: Chefs – A generalisation

I mentioned in my first post to you Diary that I have worked with many different chefs. Now I’d like to talk about them more. I hear a lot of waitstaff complain that all chefs are arseholes but hey, most chefs will tell you that waitstaff are completely stupid and I think we both know that’s not true

I have worked with some complete bastards. I worked with one chef who tried to serve me Squid instead of Octopus. I sent it back saying “yeah this is squid I ordered Octopus” and the chef wouldn’t speak to me for a whole week. Gee…sorry I sent back a dish that wasn’t what I ordered or wanted, obviously that is my fault not yours. Tosser. Another guy I worked with would spit it if we sent through more than like one order, “I am the only one here why do you keep putting orders through, you waitresses are fucked boo hoo hoo” I swear he used to go hide in the cool room and cry… ok not really. But still, what a little bitch!

Chefs who ding the bell 79892432 times if a waitress working in a packed restaurant isn’t at the pass within 0.5 seconds of the first ding. Chefs who decide to tell you “oh hey we don’t have any mash so this guy is getting chips” when the meal is on the pass ready to be taken out, then cracks it when the customer says “i don’t want it if it doesn’t have mash (like it says on the damn menu!)”. Chefs who refer to you as a “plate rack”. Chefs who seem to have no fucking clue what they are talking about and who pronounce jus the same way it’s spelled. Chefs who hit on you constantly. Chefs who think they are gods gift to the world and think that the whole Solar System revolves around them.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh Chefs. Such complex creatures.

Do not get me wrong Diary, I love chefs. Hell, I am dating one! However they are a whole different type of person and they do like their egos to be stroked. I tend to get on well with them for the most part and I have worked with a few chefs who have changed my life for the better and who have taught me a lot about this industry. Guys who I respect and admire and who’s food I could eat till the day I die and never get bored or sick of it. Chefs who treat the waitstaff with respect, who listen to what we say and who communicate with us. Chefs with passion and fire for their craft. Chefs who can accept that yes they sometimes make mistakes and so do waitresses and we shouldn’t lose our shit when that happens. Chefs who are happy to explain dishes to new staff and curious customers. Chefs who let you try things. Awesome talented wonderful chefs!

Bah! Why can’t all chefs be like that?!

Love Carrie

Dear Diary: Just one more phonecall?

I just don’t get it Diary. People. Who come into a restaurant. In a group of 8 or more. Demand a table and DON”T HAVE A RESERVATION!

Is it really so hard to just call me up and make that booking? Surely to organise 8 people to get together and go out it would take a bit of organising. More than a few phone calls, maybe you even planned it a few days in advance? So why oh why can’t people not just make one more phone call to the restaurant and book a bloody table!

Better yet are the people who show up with 945984 friends and demand special attention “we’d like to pay as we go” “we demand THAT table there”. It.is.not.going.to.happen.

Generally If there is more than four people they should call and reserve a table, especially if it is a Friday or Saturday night. Oh and if it is a special day, Fathers/Mothers day, Valentines, Easter, Christmas etc and they don’t book a table, they are just an idiot. If they do decide to show up on one of those aforementioned special days without a reservation and we kindly tell them we are full, they really shouldn’t get angry at us for that.

No no Diary I am not joking. People actually crack the shits at me if they show up on Fathers Day without a reservation and I can’t let them in. Apparently I need to hone my psychic abilities so I know exactly how many people will be coming in on any given day and use my magical “whipping tables out of thin air” ability to make sure there are enough tables for everyone.

Geez and you wonder why I hate people sometimes!

Love Carrie

Dear Diary: A little bit about me

Hi Diary! I thought as my first entry we should get better acquainted, so let me tell you a little about myself.

My name is Carrie. I’ve been working in hospitality since 2003, the year after I graduated from high school. I’ve worked in 3 different restaurants over the past 6 years, started as a trainee waitress and worked my way up to a duty manager. I’ve worked full time, part time and casual. Since I have started I have had holidays twice. The Gold Coast in 2006 and Darwin earlier this year.

I have had some great co workers over the years, amazing talented people. I’ve built a lot of great friendships. I have also worked with some of the dumbest people alive, chefs with massive egos, short fuses and terrible attitudes. Managers and owners who couldn’t manage their way out of a paper bag let alone a complex restaurant. Waitresses who live up to every dumb stereotype there is. Hospitality is definitely not an industry for everyone and there are just certain people who do not last. I can tell if a waiter is going to last just by looking at them.

I have a love/hate relationship with customers, not a 50/50 deal…it’s more like 20/80. Depending on where I am working at the time. Whomever said “the customer is always right” was clearly being sarcastic, or was badly misquoted. I bet anybody working in customer service could tell you that! On the most part customers are rude, forgetful bastards who think they know everything and expect me to be psychic and a Nanny to their children. Sometimes though I’ll get a genuinely lovely customer, they make up for all the bad ones. I love good customers.

So despite bastard chefs, shitty co workers, horrible customers and anti social working hours I am still aiming to own my own restaurant one day. I’ve learned a lot in the last 6 years but I still have a long way to go! Most recently I have realised that all of the hospitality experience in the world doesn’t matter unless you have the business knowledge to back you up. For this reason I am going back to university to get my Diploma of Business Degree, majoring in Accounting and Marketing.

I have friends and family I barely see, two blogs to attend to and the most fucked up sleep pattern of anyone you will ever meet.

Diary… I think I am really going to need you!

Love Carrie