I work in a brewery. A brewery that sells beer. Beer made by our company. In our brewery.Next door to our brewery is a Dome Cafe. For those of you not in the know, Dome Coffee is like Starbucks or Gloria Jeans except way less cool and they sell shitty microwaved food. Predominantly though, they are a coffee house.
Now that you have this background information I’d like to list for you the things that piss me off about people who come into my workplace. Please note this is not a complete list. There will never be a complete list. People come up with new and exciting ways to piss me off every single day. It’s like they sit at home thinking about annoying questions and actions they can come in and spring on me. People…euuughhh!
1) This one will make the title make sense. I hate it when people come into the brewery. The brewery that brews and sells beer. The brewery that is RIGHT NEXT FUCKING STORE to a place that specialises in coffee. I hate it when I say to these people “oh hi, are you after a BEER or something to eat today” and then those people say “oh no we just want some coffee and cake”
Coffee and cake??? ARE YOU LOST??? DOME IS NEXT DOOR. WHY ARE YOU COMING TO A BREWERY TO HAVE COFFEE?? THOSE VATS AREN’T FILLED WITH ARABICA BEANS THEY ARE FILLED WITH BEER.
Of course I actually have to say, “oh…coffee…sure take a seat”. Then what is extra irritating is that they order coffee, and cake which comes to a grand total of like $20 then sit around for a good two hours drinking tap water and not ordering anything else and I have to turn away people who want beer and to spend actual money because these idiots decided to drink their coffee and talk shit at a goddamn brewery and take up one of my tables. Aaaaaahhhhhhh!
2) This comment right here “oh…you don’t have very much wine…” with a snooty expression. Oh really? We don’t have very much wine? Last time you went to a winery how many beers did they have on tap?? None?? Really? You think maybe it’s because they are a winery and they want people to drink their wine? Yeah? Understandable? Well same shit here dickhead! We don’t have a huge wine selection because we are a brewery…we sell beer. We don’t want you to drink wine, we want you to drink beer. You are lucky there is any wine at all so stop bitching. These people usually end up ordering chenin or some other real “classy” style of wine.
3) “Do you have any Patron??” <— a guy seriously asked me this. If you didn’t know, Patron is a really good tequila. A tequila found in really nice restaurants and bars where people like spending money on fancy spirits. Pretty sure Patron has featured in many a rap song. Anyway. Bottom line, as.if.we.have.Patron. This guy then asked for a bunch of other fancy expensive spirits before I actually said to him “dude, you are in a brewery, we only stock basic spirits because people generally come here to drink beer. Just get a beer” and he did. Waitress: 1 Annoying customer: 0.
4) “I’ll have a Corona/Tooheys/EB/Crown/Becks/Stella/Carlton etc etc etc” Ummmmm NO YOU WON’T HAVE ONE ACTUALLY. We are a brewery, I may have already mentioned this…we don’t brew any of that we only have our own stuff. Choose from that.
5) “What have you got?” says random guy. “Here is the list mate” I say handing him the beer menu. “Awww can’t you just tell me??” random guys says as if reading a list is the hardest thing anyone has ever made him do in his life. We have 7 beers on tap and two in bottles. There is no way I am going to read each one out to you and describe them and then tell you which one is my favourite only to have you turn around and order the one that is a Corona rip off*. Go sit down, read the list, I will come over in a few minutes. GO.
*we have now got rid of the Corona rip off beer and everyone is up in arms. “Awwwww that was the most popular why’d you get rid of it??” Number one: Unless you have been somehow gathering statistics on the selling rate of all of our beers how the hell would you know if that was our most popular? Just because it’s your favourite, doesn’t mean it’s everyones. Number two: We got rid of it because we wanted to and no amount of crying will get it back, try one of the 8 other beers.
That’s all for now. Not because I can’t think of anything else but because if I keep reminding myself about how much people shit me then I will probably not be a very pleasant waitress at work tomorrow.
Oh who am I kidding? I’m always pleasant!!
Have a lovely day!
Love Carrie xoxo xxxx
