Dear Diary: What I expect when I dine out

“When you go out to a restaurant, are you like, really critical or everything? Do you make things hard for them or are you extra nice because you know what it’s like?”

I get this question a lot, I imagine that everyone who works in hospitality gets asked it by their non-hospitality friends and family. It is interesting to hear peoples answers. Steven, for one, says that he is just grateful that someone else is cooking the food for him instead of the other way around. Most people assume that I would be really scary to serve because I am such a total bitch somewhat opinionated.

Service is incredibly important to the success of a restaurant. You can have amazing food but if the service is bad then there will be a large percentage of people who will choose not to return for a second try. If they do decide “maybe it was just a bad night”and get terrible service again, you can probably kiss their business goodbye. I would go as far to say that you can get away with average food and amazing service much easier.

On Arrival
When I go out to a restaurant, while I don’t want to say that I am critical, I am however, a very observant customer. The first thing I do when I go to a restaurant, before I have even been seated, is look around at all the other tables, see how many people there are, how many large tables are around, and see what stage of their meals they are up to. I also look at how many wait staff are working on the floor and behind the bar. This gives me an idea on how long I will be expecting to wait to be served and for drinks and food to arrive. This is something I wish everyone did. There have been so many times I have been working in various venues where it has been obviously crazy busy yet some customers (usually the ones who have ordered well done steaks*) complain loudly about how long things are taking. It is important to realise that restaurants are not fast food diners and cannot deliver food and drinks immediately. If I go out and my food takes less than 15 minutes to get to me, that concerns me more than it taking an hour.

The next thing I look at happens when we get to the table, I check that the cutlery and glasses are all clean. If you can’t be bothered polishing a knife properly then I immediately begin to wonder what else they can’t be bothered doing properly.

The Waitstaff
My waiter should be tidy and clean. I do not care if they have tattoos and piercings (I have them), but they have to be clean. Nobody wants to see a crusty lip ring let alone be served food by someone who has one. They should be friendly with a sense of humour and be able to read the table. Part of being a kick arse waiter is the ability to read customers. I do not mind if my waiter reaches across me, accidentally spills a little bit of my drink, but please do not have an attitude. The only time I get an attitude with a waiter, is when they have one with me first.

Ordering
After being seated I expect menus and water within five minutes of sitting down. I don’t care if it then takes another ten minutes for a waiter to come back to offer first drinks. Seating a table without water and menus is asking for trouble. They can get away with either just water or just menus if it is super busy and your waiter is friendly and apologetic. I expect a drink order within 10 minutes after that, 15 minutes if it is busy. It shouldn’t take longer than 5 minutes for our drinks to hit the table unless it is coffee or cocktails, give them 10 minutes max.

I take a ridiculously long time to decide what I want to eat. I am useless and I ask questions. Genuine questions, usually about where things come from (especially with seafood) and what things are. My waiter should know the answers to my questions and if they don’t know them, they should go find out. Our orders should be taken within 15 minutes of our drink order.

So basically after being in a restaurant for half an hour I would want to have water, drinks and have my food order taken. Pretty reasonable. If the restaurant is super busy give it 45 but any more than that is not good. If a restaurant cannot deliver that level of service then they should not allow themselves to get that busy. It is a lot better to turn away walk ins and give the customers they have got better service than to take in as many customers as they can and give bad service. This is an aspect that one of my old employers failed spectacularly at.

Food and After Sale Service
Food should take between 15 to 30 minutes to arrive at the table. Everyone at the table should get there food within a few minutes of each other. Food should be as described on the menu and it should be cooked as we requested it. After 5ish minutes our waiter should come back and quality check the meals <—so important and it is not done often enough or it’s done too late!! If there is a problem with the food the waiter should handle it professionally. They should organise a replacement if required or a discount or removal of item from the bill. Problem handling is a huge subject that requires it’s own post. it is an issue which both wait staff and customers make mistakes in all the time.

We should never sit at our table with an empty drink glass for more than a few minutes without being asked for another drink. One of my pet hates is when you are eating your meal but your drink is empty and your waiter is nowhere to be seen. If you do not want another drink, your waiter should take away your empty glass to prevent other waiters asking you the same question.

I dislike it when waiters start clearing plates off your table when someone is still eating, it is ok to do this only if the customer gives the waiter their plate. They should still leave everyone else’s plates till every person at the table has finished. I also hate waiters who stack plates on the table. This is just my training showing through, I was always taught to stack in your arms not on the table and even now working in a café I cannot stack on the table.

Desserts and Coffees
Dessert menus should be offered after all dinner plates are clear. Coffees, ports, dessert wines at the same time. They should all arrive within 15 minutes. Smart waiters get your coffee out faster so maybe you will need to order another one when your dessert arrives. Clever devils.

Paying and Leaving
I hate split billing so I never assume that restaurants will let you split bill, however, it is nice if you are allowed to split the balance on two cards, or pay part cash/part card. If a restaurant doesn’t allow this, it is no problem at all to me.

Home time and it is always nice to receive a “good bye, thank you, have a lovely day/afternoon/night” which the customer should reciprocate.

Written out like this, it sounds like I expect a lot! To simplify, all I have really said is, clean cutlery and glasses, tidy, friendly, professional waiter, food as described, cooked properly and timely service = happy Carrie. I don’t enjoy the pomp and wank that some restaurants have. I don’t want to be served by a droid with no personality. I want it to feel like I am a friend’s house, not at the Queen’s house!

Now it is your turn. What do you expect when you go out? Am I over the top and anal? Did you expect more? What do you hate when you go out?

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx

*well done steaks take a long time to cook. I generally tell people about half an hour. For some reason, some well done steak eaters do not understand this concept and often are crying for their steak after 10 minutes.

Dear Diary: This obviously isn’t the best time hey

This will apparently come at the surprise of a select group of people whereas to the rest of the world it will come as common knowledge. In hospitality we have very busy times and we have slow times. Would anyone like to take a guess at what the busy times would be? I’ll give you a giant hint, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Look this is obvious right? Nobody reading this right now could possibly be shocked by this right? RIGHT???

Some people just don’t get it.

People who decide to call in the middle of dinner service to book a table for the next week. Food and beverage reps who think it’s a great idea to come in and discuss their products with you in the middle of lunch service (note to reps, if you do this, I don’t give a shit how amazing your product is, you just lost yourself a sale). Hopeful wannabe employees dropping off their resumes (another no no, come in when it’s quiet, you’ll get more attention and we’re more likely to remember you).

I have two favourite stories about this.

Number one; it was a Saturday late afternoon and we were super busy, the restaurant was full of arvo drinkers and snackers. Anyone walking into the venue would see that it was hectic. I was the only one working but I was expecting  another staff member to start her shift soon, I was managing fine but was crazy busy. Enter bad timing woman. I greet her and ask if she’s after a drink or food.

“oh no I want to talk about a booking I have made” she says

FUCK! I say in my head, hopefully it will be quick I think. I grab the bookings book and bring it over to her. “Ok when is your booking and what do you need to change”

The booking is for the next Sunday, she wants to talk about platters. She wants to know what kind of platters we have and what price and how many I think she’ll need and what if I don’t like this can I change it for that. The booking was for the next weekend. I say to her “did you mention you wanted platters when you booked the table originally because generally we need two weeks notice for platters”

“oh no I didn’t I just thought I could organise it now” she says

Groan! So I say in the nicest way I can muster “ok look as you can see, we are really really busy at the moment and I’m the only person here so I just do not have time to go over this with you right now and I’ll need to talk to the chefs to see if they can still do it anyway, how about you give me your email address and I can get all the information together and mail you on Monday about it?”

She seems annoyed “oh I don’t have an email address”

“ok well just give me your number and I can call you then?” I say nicely but shortly to try and speed the process up

She gives me her number I say thanks an bye and assure her I’ll be in contact.

Thank god another worker shows up so I don’t have as much catch up work to get things back under control! The rest of the night goes well as does the weekend. On Monday I open the bookings book to call the lady as promised and what do you know…she’s cancelled her booking. Fuck you lady, fuck you.

Bad timing incident number two happened just two weeks ago, this one was a phonecall. It was about 7pm on a Friday night. Worst time EVER to call a restaurant for a chat, this lady didn’t seem to mind. The phone rings I answer it.

“Hello I was just wondering if you have a childs playground at your venue” she says

“uhhh no sorry we don’t have that no” I reply. Excellent I think, just a quick query I can get on my way… no no I cant

“oh really thats a shame…so there is nothing around there?” she asks

“well there is the beach next door but no play equipment” I answer

“well you can bring kids in can’t you?”

“yes you can’ children are more than welcome we just don’t have a playground or anything, we are too small to have that” I say trying to hurry up the call as its 7pm in the MIDDLE OF DINNER SERVICE!!

“what about games do you have a kids area where they can play games like playstations? I know your sister restaurant does” she asks

Is someone playing some kind of joke on me?? “no, sorry we don’t have a kids area either, yes the other restaurant does but we don’t. We have colouring in books and board games you can play at your table buts thats about it, no special kids only area” I reply WE ARE NOT A DAYCARE CENTRE

Then she really just twists the knife, or cocks the gun more like it with this “well do you know anywhere in Bunbury that DOES have that?”

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I DON’T KNOW, GO RING OTHER PLACES UP AND HARASS THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER SERVICE GODDAMN IT. I think it but of course I do not say it. “no sorry I am not really sure where else has those facilities”

“oh well thanks for your help, you should really get a kids area I think it would be great!” she says

“Your welcome yes well maybe someday bye!” I almost throw the phone at the wall.

Timing is everything. Use common sense and don’t fuck it up!

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx

Dear Diary: Have I ever told you why I dislike cyclists

Oh Diary! My previous entry has reminded me of one of the banes of my existence! Cyclists.

When I worked at Vat every Sunday morning we would get in a group of cyclists for coffee. They had this annoying deal with the owners that they only paid half price for their coffee on the day and the balance would get paid by the club later or whatever. Anyway, sometimes 3 would show up and sometimes 20 would show up. They would never warn us how many were coming but expected us to set up an area outside for them all to sit. So after getting annoyed with only a few cyclists showing up I started not setting up a huge area for them because it was a waste of space where I could be putting customers who would have breakfast and spend a lot more money. Of course Once I had decided this they started bringing in 787243 cyclists and would crack the shits at me “We spend a lot of money here and we expect a table set for us blah blah blah” and I would always think in my head “one table of four eating breakfast would spend more money than the 20 of you, you are actually costing me money by taking up so much damn room”.

The most annoying part though was the coffees. They would each come in, order a coffee then sit back outside. When the coffees were ready we’d take them out and two scenarios would play out every single time.

1. I say “double latte?” and nobody will answer. Move further down the table “double latte??”. Still nobody replies, they all know I am there, they all know I am speaking but nobody claims the double latte that I KNOW they ordered. One more try, louder now “double latte????”. Nobody answers so I give up, take it back inside and put it down. No more than 2 minutes later a cyclist walks in from outside. I know they were sitting out there the whole time. They say rudely “I DIDN’T GET MY DOUBLE LATTE” . I swear in my head and say “oh here it is, I called it out but nobody answered!”. Cyclists says “this is cold make me another one” Euughh!

2. I say “latte?” I say it very clear. Cyclists says “yes that’s me!” I give her the latte. I come out again with a different coffee, usually one of the last ones for the table and say “double latte?”…no reply, there is only a few people left so I ask them “double latte?” Cyclist says “mine was supposed to be a normal latte?” I know I have already bought out all the normal lattes. First cyclist pipes up “oh did you say double latte? I must have taken the wrong one I thought this was a bit weak woops!”. I go back, and make a new normal latte for the one that she stole AND bring her out a shot of coffee for her latte that wasn’t strong enough because she took the wrong damn one!

Both things happen, every time without fail.

Cyclists suck

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx

Dear Diary: Don’t say yes if the answer is no

So today I took a tray of drinks out to a table. ”lemon squash?” I ask. ”yes” says girl #1 I give her the squash. ”Pepsi?” I ask next, ”yes” says girl #2. I walk away, the girls swap drinks.

Aaaahhhhh!! If the drink isn’t yours then don’t say yes!

This happens quite often, though usually instead of swapping when I walk away, which I assume they think is the polite thing to do, people usually say ”oh yes!” then when I put down the drink they say ”oh that’s not mine, mine is the *something else*”. It drives me insane.

Similarly is the person who answers with ”no mine is the pepsi”. Oh really? Yours is the pepsi? Well I’m not asking who’s having pepsi I am asking about the squash so shhhhhh and wait your damn turn!

Next are the people who try to take things off your tray. Man… Never ever ever try to take things off a waitress’ tray. We balance everything on there to come off in a specific order and if you try take something out of turn you’ll probably find yourself in an embarrassing situation where you made the tray flip all the remaining drinks onto the guy sitting across from you. Just be patient ok?

Oh and remember, if it’s not your drink or food, don’t say yes!

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx

Dear Diary – A good resume goes a long way, a shit one goes in the bin

I was doing some research today on the internet when I came across a great little article on Ways to not write a resume which was hilarious, true and actually really helpful for anyone looking to update their resume. In fact, I’d recommend it to people even if they aren’t thinking about updating their resume just to make sure their current one abides by these tips. You know diary it got me thinking, common sense says that a well planned and written resume is vital in getting a job that you want, therefore you would think people would put a lot of time and effort into making sure they have a good one right? Well you know what I say…common sense, it ain’t so common any more.

I’ve been in a position where I have had to read many a resume in my time, so what are some of my pet peeves?

• Not including your age -  this is something that may not really matter in too many other industries. In hospitality however, in Australia, if you are applying for a job where you will be serving alcohol, I need to know that you are over 18. If you don’t include this I’ll throw your resume in the bin. Sounds harsh? Well if someone doesn’t know the biz well enough to realise I need to know you are legally able to work in it then you are not suited to the job.

• People who have really obviously applied to jobs in 10 different industries and have given all of them the same resume. I get it ok, perhaps you just need a filler job for that year between uni and school, or while you are studying so you don’t really care what it is. You just want a job. However if you don’t care enough to at least slightly tailor your resume to fit the job you are going for, then that makes me think you aren’t going to care to pay attention to detail if I award you the job.

• People who include every subject they did in high school and their grades – Wow…you are really smart. Unfortunately in hospitality that doesn’t really mean a lot. I have worked with people who are very book smart but lack any sort of social skill or common sense. So as great as it is that you scored a TER of 92, you really don’t need to use up a whole page of your resume telling me about it.

• Saying you cannot work Saturday nights or Sundays when you are applying for a job that clearly states that the applicant needs to be available on weekend and nights.

• Putting a parent as a reference -  I will never call your parent to ask for a reference. They will never say anything constructive about you. It is a big fat waste of time. At least use a neighbour or family friend, they are slightly more credible.

I have more problems however with people when they drop in their resume. Being in hospitality it is common practice for people to drop in their resumes on the off chance we are hiring. I don’t have a problem with this. That’s how I got one of my previous jobs. Some people seem to not consider that if they are bringing in their resume they should regard that act as sort of a pre interview. There have been times when I won’t even bother looking at a person’s resume if they have given me a negative first impression.

Here are a few tips

• It is no big deal if you don’t have a car or your licence (as long as you are still over 18) but please, if your Mum* is driving you around, ask her nicely to stay in the car. Do not let her come in with you. You are an independent adult seeking employment…you don’t need Mama to hold your hand and if you do need her to hold your hand then you are definitely not going to be a strong enough person to deal with most of the shit that hospitality throws at you. *This applies to Dads too but in my experience it’s usually a Mum who insists on tagging along.

• Even worse than above – do not let your mother/parent/guardian/sibling hand in your resume for you. If you can’t be bothered coming in yourself then I can’t be bothered reading it.

• Don’t come in with 6 friends. Don’t come in with any friends. Come.in.alone. I know it may seem scary especially if it is your first time but seriously, get your mate to wait around the corner, take a deep breathe and walk in. A little bit of nervousness is better than a gaggle of people at my door. This is similar but not as bad as bringing your Mum in.

• If you and your friend both want to apply for the job then ok, keep in mind that I’d be a bit wary about it, however if you come in together and act professional about it I’ll read your resume. If you come on together giggling and being annoying I definitely won’t hire both of you, I probably wouldn’t even hire one of you.

• Come looking neat and presentable. I don’t want to to turn up dressed in black pants and a white business shirt with all your piercings out, your hair all one colour in a lovely little ponytail and no personality whatsoever. I don’t want clones. I just want you to look neat and clean. Like you have a bit of self respect and know a bit about basic hygiene. Brush your hair, brush your teeth, make sure your clothes are clean. Wear perfume or at least deodorant. Make sure your nails are clean and if you have any piercings make sure they are clean too. I will not hire a slob. I don’t care if you have tattoos everywhere as long as you aren’t dirty.

• Be prepared for any questions I might have. Such as “When are you available?” “When can you start?” and the all important “Do you have your RSA?”. You need to be able answer these questions on the spot. There are two right answers and two wrong answers to the last question. Right answers are “Yes I do, I have attached/can bring in my certificate” or “No I don’t but I can get it/am going to get it right away”. Wrong answers are “no”  or “what’s that?” usually accompanied with a blank stare. I won’t hire you if you give me the wrong answers*, once again, anyone applying for a job in hospitality should know what it means to have your RSA. *exceptions made if you are foreign and new to the country.

• Don’t come in drunk or clearly on drugs. For reasons I should hope are obvious.

• Don’t be rude, act like you know better than me or treat me like a child. Even if you are older than me, chances are, if you manage to get the job I’ll be telling you what to do. If you can’t handle that then please go away.

So that’s it! If people just followed these little tips, whether looking for a hospitality job or not, it should put them that little bit ahead of their competition!

What do you think Diary? Did I miss anything? Do you think other people have any more tips? Or any horror stories! I would love to hear about them!

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx